Saturday, June 1, 2013


It's official--I have 50 days left before I move all the way across the country to start graduate school.  This is a very scary and exciting thought.  

I can't wait to meet all my new friends.  I'm excited about my classes (Fundamentals of Shakespeare; Research Methods; The Language of Performance; Tudor-Stuart History; Shakespeare's Theatre).  I'm excited about starting a fresh, new chapter in my life and reinventing myself a little bit.  I'm excited about learning, studying, reading, and figuring out where I go from here.  I'm excited to be close to my friends already in that part of the world, I'm excited to be in the oldest part of the country and to be able to visit museums, battlefields, and other historically significant locations.  I'm excited to have the opportunity to visit states I've never been to before.

I'm scared that I won't be able to keep up with the coursework.  I'm scared that the other kids won't like me.  I'm scared that I'm making the biggest mistake of my life by uprooting my life and investing thousands of dollars in another degree that may end up completely worthless. (But whenever I think I'm making a mistake, I just have to look at my life here--there's no meaning in it, and no future for me here.  I have to get out and find something I can be passionate about.)  I'm scared that Tim won't be able to find a fulfilling job, and I'm scared that we won't be able to live together.  I'm scared that we'll fall in love with that side of the country and never come home to the Pacific Northwest.  I'm scared out cat won't be able to handle the move, and the stress will kill her.  I'm desperately sad to leave my home, my garden, my little birds (Harold & Maude, who are raising their second set of babies under our eaves!), my family, Tim's family, and my four friends who live close-ish to here. (Shout-out to Daven, Rachel, Rachael, and Toby!)  We also don't know when we'll be back to visit, since Tim's anticipated work schedule doesn't allow for holiday travel (or any leisure travel at all, really).  

Overall, I'm far more excited than scared.  I, like many, dislike change and fear the unknown, and this is an enormous change and a very big unknown.  I think I'm very lucky that I'm going to school in an area where I already have friends.  Sara is just down the road from where I'll be, and Mark and Haylie are just a couple hours away.  Everything will be alright in the end.  If it's not alright, then it's not the end.


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